self-love
september 3, 2024
you know the thing is, usually i'd be way too embarrassed to post something like this, but i guess it is possible to kill the part of you that cringes lmfao.
i used to firmly believe that i would never be able to fully grasp the concept of "loving yourself" as an idea, let alone something you're actually capable of doing. it's one of those things you hear people saying all the time, but sounds fake and made up in the way unicorns are. "sure, it'd be wonderful if there were beautiful magic horses with horns in the world, but i live on planet earth," type beat.
turns out people were not making it up, it's actually something you can do. nuts, but true.
all of my old fursonas just kinda represent who i used to be, kind of ambulatory chunks of my personhood before it disintegrated from trauma. the fox girl is my first ever fursona, the one i made when i was 14. i found her last because i grew to hate who i was and tried to throw it away. turns out you can't really do that, not just because you can't change the past or who you were, but also because it doesn't help. she didn't do anything wrong at any point, it's just that the world never wanted her and neither did i. but i'm glad to have realized and rectified that mistake.
white, on the other hand, was always a coping mechanism for me. i made them as a mascot to replace my actual identity, which i hated, but in a cartoonish manner that could be dismissed out of hand. we don't take white seriously, because they're only here to be a clown. it's a mask with nothing underneath.
eventually, white kind of evolved into an imaginary friend i could have conversations with, because they were a part of me. they understood me implicitly, and i didn't have to explain anything for them to know what i meant (what with existing entirely inside my mind). they have their own personality, though obviously heavily referenced from mine, and helped me get through every shitty part of my life by being a funny little guy i could draw and think about when i wanted to. i really do cherish them, like the way you can grow attached to a doll because you've imbued it with so much personality and life that you grow to love it. so that's all the second two comics are meant to be, is a representation of that affection i have for them.
oh also, hey look, it's an actual honest-to-god comic instead of an enormous wall of text overlaying some pictures! radical.