manifesting: a fucking nap

a four-panel comic of myself lying in bed looking haggard and unfocused. there are several ixis drawn haphazardly over the comic. some look cute and happy, one is sleeping, and another looks just as haggard as i am. the text reads, ''i haven't slept more than 4 or 5 hours a night in weeks. i'm trying meditation now because no combination of chemicals has even approached helping me sleep. i like to draw. it makes me happy. i spend 12 hours every day trying and failing to sleep. 'i should be trying to sleep, not drawing,' as if it makes a difference. i'm not going to sleep either way, might as well do something other than sit here. i'm trying to allow negative emotions to pass through and out of me. i'm trying to be mindful and present so i'm not overtaken by anxiety. it's actually working, so that's nice. now if only i could fall asleep and stay asleep. drawing makes me feel focused and relaxed. the mechanical process of marking paper with a pencil and a pen feels good to me. i like writing out what i'm feeling in the moment. it's less depressing when i do it like this instead of writing in a journal.''


march 31, 2024

original description:
this was a thing i drew after barely sleeping for 3 days (consecutively getting less than 4 hours a night for 3 days i mean, lol. i've had insomnia for weeks). thankfully, i managed to get at least 7 hours last night, though i am still exhausted and need more sleep. someone i follow wrote a post saying something like "if there is one thing i want my followers to take away from this post, it's that meditation is good for you. you can meditate any time anywhere." that post came into my mind unbidden while trying to think of ways to end my insomnia. it worked so much better than i could have imagined. i was so luxuriantly comfortable while sleeping, too, like my brain was marinating in how good it felt to rest or something. it was such a hard turnaround from what i've been dealing with lmao.

i draw little ixis because they are easy and cute, and my favorite neopet.

obsessed with rules i only half understand

multiple drawings of goats and ixis, surrounded by text. the text reads, ''i've been thinking about some things i've seen said. 'children's literature is preoccupied by identity and self-discovery,' in the context of implying that an adult fixated on identity is childish. what do you mean, 'not everyone has a constantly fluctuating sense of self, and that this is an indication of mental illness?' '[correcting other people's spelling and grammar is annoying because] knowing those things doesn't make you clever, it makes you good at following rules.' 'communication is information and patterns,' in the context of being autistic and a literal thinker. 'you can't teach soul.' i'm 32. and here i am. i don't know if you understand. i don't know how to help you understand. there is an innate, unteachable language that most people have unfettered access to, and i have never spent a moment feeling as if i confidently understand it. we are mirrors, reflections of each other. i often do not even see myself in other autistic people. groping around in search of identity,* it occurs to me that alienation is what defines me. i hate that. *not literal characteristics, but how i relate to other people.''


may 26, 2024

original description:
all of the relevant text is in the image, so. (i don't want to tag this with neopets stuff cuz it's not really related to neopets. i kinda just use goats and adjacent animals as stand-ins for myself. if i was otherkin, i'd kin ixis basically.)

sometimes i start thinking about something and this is one of the ways i turn it around in my mind to make peace with it.

archive, previous, next.
take me away from here.


content herein © wren white, 2025.